The most enjoyable aspect of Tears of the Kingdom for me right now isn’t so much my own adventures in the game. It’s watching other people far more creative and patient than I am craft the most ridiculous mind-, physics-, and decency-bending machines ever made in a video game. We’re already seeing players craft fire-spouting robots, elaborate murder contraptions that would make Wile E. Coyote exceedingly jealous, and, more wholesomely, horse car washes and baby swings.
Here are some of our favorites.
This is the most American thing to ever happen in Hyrule. That “Fortunate Son” is playing over this video is icing on the cake.
Yes! There are actual hulls in Tears of the Kingdom that you can attach sails to in order to craft a proper ship. The game also has Link’s blue lobster shirt if you really wanna get your Wind Waker on.
I cannot figure out how this person got the robot to drop from the main vehicle, and it will keep me up at night.
I like this Hinox shredder because it’s super easy to make yourself.
I have to include at least one wholesome use of Link’s awesome and terrible powers. One of the little things I appreciate about Tears of the Kingdom is that when you use your powers around normal folk, they, very correctly, freak the hell out. Even the steward constructs, who would have seen King Rauru use these same powers, exclaim, “Your actions are threatening, I must protect myself,” before curling up into their shells whenever Link busts out the Ultrahand. Everyone in Hyrule has correctly assessed that no matter how nice he seems, how sweetly he plays with kids, or how he meddles in local elections, Link’s a walking weapon of mass destruction and must be guarded against at all times.
What’s startling to me here isn’t so much the torture prison but the sheer cost of building something like this. Every one of those bright green materials costs zonaite to create — they’re not cheap, and zonaite is not that plentiful — requiring serious time in The Depths to amass the amount needed to build such a thing. That kind of dedication is more impressive than the number of Geneva Conventions violations on display. These fan-made contraptions have also brought into focus how quaint Nintendo’s Talus-battler was in Tears’ promotional materials. There’s Link on his pathetic little machine, and he only has a measly two canons? No bombs? No flamethrowers? Lol, lmao.
One thing concerning the sheer expense it takes to create some of these machines is that players have already found several item duplication glitches. So if you want to go apeshit with crafting, you won’t have to sacrifice precious zonai charges or machines or go full John Wick in The Depths to get the materials you need. One item duplication glitch works by quickly swapping out the items fused to Link’s arrows, but that’s the slow and very finicky way. A more recently discovered method is much easier, requiring only a short height from which to paraglide, the item you want to replicate in the last spot in your inventory, and a single additional item.
The latest update hasn’t patched these glitches out, so now’s the time to dupe as many diamonds as you can — Hyrule’s expensive, and Link’s job as a freelance journalist doesn’t pay too much.